Seriously, don't argue with me on this.

Yesterday, I was speaking with my chiropractor, and said that I was hypersensitive to pain. It's one of the things that might come with an Autism Spectrum condition, and I know others on the Spectrum who identify as such. Hypersensitivity to a stimulus (noise, light, pain, smell, etc.) is fairly common on the Spectrum, in fact.

So, needless to say, it came as kind of a shock when she actually disagreed with me.

I didn't think I'd have to point this out, but when you're talking to someone Autistic, DON'T DISAGREE WITH THEM ABOUT WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE AUTISM.

It's like a white person arguing with a black person about what it's like to be black. It's insulting and it makes you sound like a complete idiot.

I would think this is just common sense, but apparently not. The simple fact is, if you have Autism, you are automatically an expert on it. Even someone with a Ph. D. in Autism doesn't have the right to tell an Autistic person they are wrong about what it's like to have Autism.

To be fair, I kind of understand where they're coming from. For example, as a white person, when I talk to people of color, they sometimes describe specific incidents where someone was racist towards them. And it's sometimes so subtle that it makes me think "well, maybe it wasn't that they weren't being racist, maybe it was something else..."

And I don't think those things because I necessarily believe they don't know what they're talking about. I think it because I want to cling to the hope that my own people aren't the bad guys. Because realizing you're part of a group that oppresses another group of people is pretty depressing. They may not realize they're doing it, but they are still doing it all the same. And that's a very sad thought.

But let's face it, it's true. 

And it's also true that Neurotypicals can make life pretty goddamn difficult for those on the Spectrum. They generally aren't aware of it, and it might not even be something they can do anything about, but it still happens.

I know I'm not actually supposed to say that. I'm not supposed to point out the situation, because it might piss off some Neurotypicals who could make our lives a whole lot worse.

But if I don't, who will?

If we don't point out what's wrong, no one will fix it. And that goes for all minorities or disenfranchised people.

So, for all Neurotypicals out there: do us a favor, and listen to us when we talk about what it's like to have Autism.

How exactly do you start a revolution, anyways?

One of the things that seems to confuse NeuroTypicals the most when I ask for accommodations and for things to change is that it seems like I'm expecting the world to change just because I don't like it.

Actually, I'm asking for things to change because considering how much I have to change myself and adapt to the rest of the world, I'm not actually asking for that much.

I have to work two or three times as hard as everyone else because I'm not wired the right way for doing the things society thinks I should be able to do.

I am constantly fighting against my own brain and trying to change it to try and make it work the way I need it to in order to get stuff done that's easy for NeuroTypicals.

And then people tell me I'm not being flexible.

Actually, I AM being flexible. I am bending over backwards to adapt to YOUR rules, while you're just standing there, pissed at me because I'm not bending far enough, or I'm unhappy that I'm forced to do it in the first place.

So when I ask for stuff to change, the least you could do is meet me halfway.

*sigh* The most frustrating part is, I know that's probably not going to happen. No one seems to realize I'm busting my ass trying to fit into the world. All they see is that I'm not doing "normal" things in a "normal" way, and then complaining about it. So they assume I'm lazy.

I keep trying to figure out how to change the system, but I haven't come up with anything. I don't know how to reach people. (Aside from somehow getting ridiculously famous and going on talk shows and shit.)

When I think back on the civil rights movement, things only started to change when people of color and the LGBT community started banding together as a group and calling for change. And, of course, you need champions, people with power who are in that group.

We might be able to have a champion, but I doubt that people with Autism are ever going to band together as a group. We disagree a lot and some of us have a hard enough time just figuring out how to tie their shoes to start a movement. And some of us just don't know what to do to make things better.

So, I figure, the best way to do this is to have a very high-profile champion. Someone on the A-list who also has autism. Bill Gates sort of counts, but he doesn't admit to having autism.

If only he would! If only he would admit it, and make a statement about it, change would come about so much quicker!

We have Temple Grandin, but she isn't that famous yet. We need someone who is so famous that everyone has heard their name at least once.

I would like to be a champion for Autism. I would like to be someone that has high enough social status that people will listen to what I say.
 
Only one problem: it's hard to become a champion on purpose...

My daily sulk

I am between worlds.

I draw well enough that those who don't say "wow, you're really good,"
But poorly enough that artists say I am not one of them.

I am right-handed,
But I can use my left hand almost as well.

I am smarter than the majority,
But not smart enough to be a genius.

I am a Geek because I watch Anime and enjoy learning,
But I don't play video/computer games, play D&D, or watch Firefly.

I knit,
But I don't go to knitting groups anymore. 
(Because I am sick to death of hearing about your children and/or husband. And I will NOT make baby clothes. I hate children.)

I am female and I am comfortable with being female,
But I am not feminine. (Pink and ruffles make me want to vomit.)

I am 21,
But I hate parties (noise and crowds), dislike most alcohol, and dislike many people my own age. (The normal ones.)

I am an Aspie,
But I can see the Neurotypical point of view.

I'm straddling both sides of the same coin. I have one foot in one world, and one foot in the opposite. 

I float between the opposites, frequently running messages and translating for each other. I can never close my mind, because I don't have the luxury of being firmly on one side or the other. I pretend sometimes I can't see the other side, but I can.

It gets lonely, being neither one or the other. So I try to find other floaters for company. 

When I do, we have spirited debates, matching wits.



And now that I'm done pitying myself, I'll go do the studying I was avoiding.

Different, not less.

I'm Autistic.

I don't need to be cured, or treated, or changed.

I'm perfect just the way I am.

On memorization

Anatomy & Physiology II is the hardest class I have ever taken, except for A&P I. And, unless I later go back to school for a PhD, it's the hardest class I ever will take.

The thing is that there's a lot of memorization. It took about 16 hours or so of studying to get an A on the last test.

Memorization is my kryptonite. I never learned to retain facts just long enough to pass the test, and then forget them. In order to do well, I have to actually learn the material. Which is incredibly difficult in this class, because there's just so much.

Thankfully, because of this, when we get to the Physiology parts of the class, I do better than most. I actually learn the rules, and remember them-- they get saved in long-term memory.

I think this is why, whenever the professor asks a question from previously covered material, I am the only one who knows the answer. Or at least one of the only ones. Booyah!

I kind of wish school was set up so that the people who actually store material in their long-term memory were the ones who got good grades. I would have graduated years ago...

The school system sucks. Everyone who actually looks at the facts knows that people who succeed are the ones who can store the information just long enough to pass the test, and then dump it out. Pretty much everyone agrees that it's backasswards.

So, why has no one done anything about it?