On Nonverbal Signals

Dear Readers,

Today, I'm going to talk about prejudice.

And yes, there is prejudice towards people on the Autism Spectrum. This is because we have trouble giving the right nonverbal signals. If you are NeuroTypical, you probably don't know what those are. So let me put it this way:

Say you're in a dance club/bar/party/etc and you're having a great time, until you see a guy looking at you like this:



(Image from: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJsQcnB6GC0)

I'm going to take a shot in the dark and say your reaction is going to be something along the lines of "Ew," or "OH GOD RUN AWAY!"

My generation calls this guy a "creeper", and the video that it's from calls that expression "stalker eyes". This is an extreme example of a nonverbal signal. It might be meant to be nice, but it just comes out really, really creepy.

The thing is, people with Asperger's might smile in a creepy way and not realize it unless someone tells them. Probably not that creepy, but if an Aspie smiles at you and accidentally gives you stalker eyes, you probably wouldn't stick around to ask them about it.

And let's face it: when you first make eye contact with someone you've never met, you have to get that first smile right, and you probably won't get a second chance. Not in a crowded room, where you can easily avoid someone if they creep you out.

Am I saying that everyone who gives you stalker eyes is actually an Aspie who just messed up their smile? No. There are real stalkers out there, and sometimes that impulse to run away can save your life.

Unfortunately, there's no sure-fire way to tell apart an Aspie from a creeper, except to talk to them. And if it is a creeper, it's not safe to talk to them.

Now imagine what that accidentally creepy smile could cost you in a job interview. The chance of you getting the job could be cut in half, or drop to zero. After all, if it creeps out or downright scares your interviewer, it would probably scare their customers, or other employees.

Don't believe me?

How many people with Autism Spectrum Disorders work in the community?

There is no good source for this number for adults with autism spectrum disorders. Data from the National Longitudinal Transition Study 2, a 10-year study of youth who received special education services, suggests that young adults with autism spectrum disorders are less likely to work than most other disability groups. The final data collection point was completed in 2009 when participants were age 23-26:

32.5% of young adults with autism spectrum disorders currently worked for pay versus an average of 59.0% for all respondents. Only one disability group had a lower rate of employment participation.
47.7% of youth with autism spectrum disorders worked for pay in the past two years versus an average of 78.4% for all participants.
29.0% of young adults with autism spectrum disorders were looking for work if they were unemployed compared to 47.7% for all participants.
Source: www.nlts2.org

This is from: http://autismnow.org/on-the-job/employment-research-and-reports/#autism

This might not be from a lack of interest on the employer's part. It could be any number of things. It also depends on how high-functioning that person on the Autism Spectrum is, which is not mentioned in the study.

But nonverbal signals count for a lot.

Because you know what nonverbal signals are a large part of? First impressions. Snap judgements. And as much as you like to fool yourself you don't make them, you do. Everyone does.

That person has a Ferrari? They must be rich. That person wears glasses or reads a lot? They must be smart. That girl wears gym clothes? She must be an athlete. That guy acts like a girl? He must be gay.

That person gave you stalker eyes? They must be dangerous.

Sometimes they're right. (And that can save your life.) But sometimes, they're dead wrong.

(If you really want an in-depth exploration of snap judgements the book Blink by Malcolm Gladwell is a great source.)

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And Now For Something Completely Different:

I'm sorry it's been so long since I posted! I have a lot going on, and I've also been sick this week. Which is why the quality of this is below my usual standards.

I'll try to keep updating when I have time. Unfortunately, I don't really have a lot of time. x_x

I may go back and expand/edit this when I'm recovered and when I have some free time. But that could be awhile, unfortunately.

Also: the entire reason I have a special email and Formspring account is so that readers can ask me questions. So if you have a question, ask me! If you want to know what it's like to have Asperger's Syndrome, then you should ask an Aspie! xD

Peace out!
--Ilsa

On Research

Dear Readers,

For an Aspie, or at least for me, life is can get very confusing, very quickly. But most problematic is knowing whether something is fact or fiction.

When someone tells you some sort of trivia, I very rarely have the time, means, or inclination to look it up. So I assume that they must have done the research themselves and accept it as fact.

You can probably see why this would become fairly problematic. I can think of several ways that can come back to bite me later:
1. They may be messing with me, or being sarcastic, and I just didn't realize. (This has always been INCREDIBLY frustrating to me, since it's kind of unfair.)
2. I may end up mishearing or misunderstanding them. (This happens more often than I like to admit.)
3. THEY may have misheard or misunderstood THEIR source. Albert Einstein once said something along the lines of "never believe a fool, even if he is quoting a genius; for he will have had to put it in words he can understand." I may have misquoted that. (And yes, I do see the irony there.)
4. They may not have done the research.
5. They may be bending the truth to suit their purposes. (Like in science fiction, where it is based on real data, but the conclusions drawn are not necessarily true. And yes, I know if it's fiction, I really shouldn't believe any of it. But sometimes, they are right.)
6. Their source could be wrong. Depending on how you operationally define certain variables, otherwise identical scientific experiments can have completely different results. Technically, that's the fault of the one quoting the source, but there have been times when an experiment drew incorrect conclusions from a result.

Usually, when it's trivia, it doesn't matter. But a lot of times, those things stack up.

It's a lot like Sudoku is for me; you put a number in the box, because it seems to be the only number that can go there. But then, based in that conclusion, you have to put another number in a box, and you use your previous number to help narrow down the options. And you continue, until you get to the end and only then can you find out whether you were wrong or right. But if just ONE of your conclusions was wrong, the entire thing is wrong. And since you have no idea where you made a mistake, you have to start all over again. At which point, it's a gigantic pain in the butt.

Take something like, for example, the earth being round. In order to prove that fact, you have to go through a process that is something like this:

How do we prove that the Earth is round? We can see pictures of the Earth in space, and it is a sphere. Where did that picture come from? A satellite. Who owns the satellite? NASA. Is there a way to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that the photos were NOT faked? Not really, no.

I can almost hear people saying to their computers, "but NASA is trustworthy! You don't need to question them!" Here's the thing: Aspies (or maybe just me) have a really hard time telling who is and is not trustworthy.

I'm going to let you in on a little secret: PEOPLE LIE. A lot, I've found. It's a daily thing for many people. ("Does this dress make me look fat?" "No, of course not.")

Am I saying that I think NASA is lying? No. I believe them. But I have nothing but a feeling to base that off of. How do you prove that someone is trustworthy? How do you prove that someone is NOT? I don't know. And I don't know how often "common sense" can even be trusted. After all, the Mythbusters prove regularly that "common sense" isn't always right.

And "the earth is round" is one of the EASIER claims to tackle. What about trying to prove whether or not a certain food is "healthy"? I'm taking a Nutrtion class at the moment, and I've found that the chain of conclusions is much, MUCH longer. I'm starting to think I'm going to need a medical degree to actually know the answer to that.

What about trying to find out whether a certain product is really better than another one? Thankfully, you can more or less test that yourself. But if you were going to find out the statistics, the research that led to that claim... How would you know who to trust?

And you would have to do that kind of extensive research to be 100% sure about anything anyone ever said, ever. Even something as innocent as "hey, did you know that _______ happened?"

Just thinking about it is exhausting...

And unfortunately, that's all I really know of my options; either look up EVERYTHING until I was 100% sure about it (which I'm pretty sure is impossible) or just cross my fingers and hope I'm getting the right information.

I have actually considered making a list of everything I am 100% sure of, but actually, if you examine it closely, the answer is pretty much nothing; even something as simple as "the world is round" can't be 100% proven.

I also have a hard time keeping track in my head of which things I'm SORTA sure about, mostly sure about, and 99.9999% sure about (like the earth being round). Eventually, as I am inundated with information, all of it crashes together like teetering stacks of paperwork, until all that's left is a pile of information I can't really verify.

I have no built-in BS detector, either. I have no idea whether or not someone is a credible source or not. So I literally have no way to tell who is trustworthy.

Basically, I'm just screwed.

Ways that I'm different from NeuroTypicals

Ways that I'm different from NeuroTypicals, by Ilsa Kasmar.

-I have trouble recalling auditory information, (i.e. When someone just tells me something, I forget it. By the same token, I sometimes forget what I have and have not told people.)
-I have little trouble recalling visual information. (I can play back entire movies in my head after seeing it about twice, and as long as it has been less than a week.)

-I can't gauge what's normal, since I can't base it on myself.
-I don't assume very much, because I accept that I don't always get it right.

-I sometimes have trouble understanding someone's point of view.
-I sometimes understand someone's point of view better than NTs.

-I sometimes miss things that NTs find obvious (usually social things).
-I sometimes notice things that NTs miss (usually inanimate object- or animal-related).

-Loud and sharp noises bother me.
-I can hear subtle differences in sounds. (I ALWAYS know when a note is sharp or flat, and if I know the original song very well or someone is singing along, I almost always know if they are doing it wrong.)

-Bright lights and colors bother me.
-If two colors don't work well with each other or look weird in a certain lighting, I will notice.

-I have a tendency to be a goody-two-shoes and a tattletale (AKA the Rules Police).
-When I see someone doing something wrong, I tell someone about it so it will stop.

-I can be blunt to the point of being insensitive.
-If you ask me something and want my honest opinion, you'll get it. 

-I can't watch the news because I always see something that upsets me.
-I don't get desensitized to violence and tragedy.

-I sometimes make connections that don't make sense to NTs.
-I sometimes make connections that an NT hadn't thought of.

-Sometimes my answers to a problem are stupid, convoluted, crazy, or just plain nonsensical.
-Sometimes my answers to a problem are brilliant, and/or brilliantly simple.



All of these differences have pros and cons. The only real difference is the application

I do want to change the world, and make it a better place. And really, something is only impossible until it's been done. Scientists once believed that the world was flat, after all.

All blog posts are copyright Ilsa Kasmar.
Formspring: www.Formspring.me/xAskAnAspiex
Email: ask_an_aspie@yahoo.com

The Planet of Autis

From my Journal:

Dear Journal,

Being on the Autism Spectrum is like being an alien. An alien from the planet of Autis.

Because the planet is larger than even Jupiter, it is sparsely populated- which suits the residents just fine. Each country has only a few people in it, but there are thousands of countries.

In my home country, hugs are okay, and people are quiet. 

There is very little conversation in passing, and even that is communicated primarily by touch and gesture. 

Eye contact is considered rude, except when communicating a very strong emotion. (Kind of like the primates on Earth.) 

Our lights are rather dim, because we dislike the searing pain that bright light brings. Frequently, we have no lights on at all.

And when we sing, we always sing on key.

But these rules vary from country to country; some countries have outlawed touch, or are not as sensitive to light as we are. But none of us judge the other country's customs to be supeIrior or inferior. We are all different, but we are all equal.

Wrote that awhile ago. I think I'm going to turn it into a short story, somehow.

All blog posts are copyright Ilsa Kasmar.
Formspring: www.Formspring.me/xAskAnAspiex
Email: ask_an_aspie@yahoo.com

My Revolution

My Revolution, by Ilsa Kasmar.

Yesterday, a powerful word came to me. A word that is the backbone of resistance, and revolution. A word that can level cities.

That word is "no."

NO, I will not be ashamed of my diagnosis, NO, I am not "disabled",  I am just different. NO, there is nothing wrong with the way I am. NO, I will not bend to your unfair rules anymore.

Neurotypicals think that people on the Autism Spectrum are the ones who are inflexible. But you have it backwards. YOU are the ones who refuse to accep us the way we are. YOU are the ones who tell us we must conform to your rules, even when it isn't in our power to do so. And YOU are the ones who teach us that there is something wrong with being angry about this.

And I'm sick of believing it.

I have Asperger's. I am on the Autism Spectrum. And I'm tired of being told there's something wrong with that.

I don't speak for all people on the Spectrum; no one has elected me spokesperson. But I DO know I am not the only person on the Spectrum who feels this way.

There are many of us who don't know how to say how we feel. So I am doing my best to give words to those sentiments, to find the right words. So that those who agree with me CAN have a voice.

So I will make an effort, from now on, to stand up for my rights, instead of sitting quietly and seething about it. It scares me, but I am tired of just accepting things the way they are, when it's unjust.

I refuse to be a doormat any longer.

For those of you who think I'm wrong, consider this: ALL of the people on the Autism Spectrum I've met have a "special interest". And frequently, that interest is also a marketable skill, like drawing, or computers, or playing piano. (Which are just a few of the special interests I've encountered.)

So why do so few people on the Spectrum have jobs? 

They have a genius level in a skill, a "savant" skill, especially the "lower-functioning" they are considered. So why can't they make money from it?

For a society which supposedly values quality of work, we seemed to have turned a blind eye to the talents of those on the Autism Spectrum.

Alright, that's all from me for tonight! Once again, my Formspring is: http://www.formspring.me/xAskAnAspiex for questions, and my email is ask_an_aspie@yahoo.com

Rock on!

What My Asperger's Feels Like

What My Asperger's Feels Like by Ilsa Kasmar

Think of something that you hate doing, and are also very bad at.

Everyone has that one thing they loathe and dread. For some it's math, or history, or something smaller, like washing the dishes, or doing pushups.

Now imagine that skill is essential to get a job, or not get fired from one. Imagine that in every job interview, they test you on that skill. If by some miracle you DO get the job, they test you on it every day. And when you get so exhausted or frustrated from this constant attack on your weakest skill, you break down. 

Only instead of being reasonable and cutting you some slack, your boss and coworkers just get angry at you. And you get fired. And then you have to look for a new job. And that skill follows you around, inescapably.

This is basically what my life is like.

Because unfortunately for me, my weakest skill is social interaction. Which means that just standing at the bus stop involves using my weakest skill. I'm not exaggerating; even without speaking, if there is someone at the bus stop with me, I have to try to figure out how to send the right signals. My thought process goes something like this:

"Dammit, someone else is there. Should I smile? Should I just not look at them? If I do smile, just to be polite, how do I smile without making them think I want to talk to them? And if they smile back, does that mean they want to talk to me? Or does it mean they're flirting? If I, as a white person, don't give a polite smile to a person of color, will they think I'm being racist?"

I can't pick up these things by mimicking for some reason, like Neurotypicals do. People have to tell me. But Neurotypicals, who are the ones who DO know the answers, don't realize I don't know. And I don't always know how to ask.


People think of this as a disability. But it's not a disability to be bad at math, or history, or pushups.

So why is it a disability to be bad at conversation?

Maybe it shouldn't be. Maybe we just need to restructure things a little so that it doesn't have such a big impact...

Is that really so much to ask?

--Ilsa Kasmar: An Aspie.

P.S. I started including my real name so that no one thinks I'm stealing.

The beginning.

Dear Reader,

This blog is going to be, as you might have guessed, about Asperger's Syndrome and the Autism Spectrum. However, I can't speak for everyone on the Austism Spectrum-- no one has elected me to do so. However, many times when I write about being an Aspie, (which is someone who has Asperger's Syndrome) those who read it say I should publish it. I don't have much written, so I can't write a book. I'd like to have a newspaper column, but first someone has to care about my opinion. (Besides, no one in my generation reads newspapers anyways.)

So, over a dinner discussion with my mother and a family friend, we came up with the idea of starting a blog. I can get my opinions out there, people can ask me about what my life is like as an Aspie, and hopefully, those who read this will walk away with a better understanding of Asperger's/Autism, or at least my version of it.

The reasons I think I'm qualified to blog about it are twofold:

1. As my mother always says, "everyone who has Asperger's is an expert on it." I live everyday with Asperger's, and ever since I was diagnosed, it has become a big part of my life. It changes everything, from my hobbies, to the kinds of friends I have, to what I like to wear. I don't know who I would be if I didn't have Asperger's-- since I don't know what it's like to be Neurologically Typical (the term for people not on the spectrum)-- but I know for a fact that I wouldn't be even close to the same person.

2. Everyone on the Spectrum that I have met has what NeuroTypicals (or NTs for short) call a "special interest". Mine happens to be writing. That's not unusual-- I know other Aspies who like to write -- but I've been told I have a unique and precious way with words that others have been unable to replicate. Maybe I don't -- it's not like I can say one way or the other -- but I am rare in that I can articulate myself quite well, considering that the cornerstone of Autism is a distinct difficulty in communication.


You may not agree with me, and you're entitled to. I could turn out to be a terrible spokesperson. But no one has yet learned to reliably say what the future holds, so why not give it a shot?


After I finish this post, I will post the two pieces I have written on my experiences with Asperger's, in separate blog posts. After reading them, you can send me questions at my Formspring account at http://www.formspring.me/xAskAnAspiex. (I'm going to check the link as soon as I finish this post.)

Additionally, my email address is: ask_an_aspie@yahoo.com. Other comments can be directed here.

That's all for now! I'm going to post my two pieces and peace out. (And eventually get some sleep.)

--An Aspie

P.S. The link works, but since you can't use the linking mechanism on the iPad, I just posted the link normally.