Ups and Downs of life

I've been thinking a lot about drawing. And it occurred to me that at my skill level, doing those basic storyboards for animated films would be possible. I could maybe look for an unpaid internship for something like that. This idea got me all excited, that I could start drawing for money NOW instead of going through 4 years of art school first.

Only one problem: all the internships like that are in California.

I guess it makes sense, since that's where Hollywood is. Unfortunately that means not so much on the internships.

Now, if this were a movie of my life instead of my actual life, here's what I would do: drive down to California, get some shit job like washing dishes to pay the rent. I would keep applying, keep looking, and just when I was about to pack up and go home, I would magically get my Big Break.

Unfortunately, life doesn't really work like that. So, more likely: art school that costs a friggin' fortune for four years, then I finally get to start looking for jobs. Woo.

What got the former idea to play around in my head in the first place, is I was watching the director of Ratatouille talk about how he got in, and he said he made an animated short (which apparently he finished at fourteen years old)and when he sent it to Disney, they basically said, "hey the next time you're in LA there's a job for you."

I grew up spending more time watching movies than talking to people, so I've only recently realized that these kinds of stories are basically fairy tales. Sure, they happen, but the reason they're remarkable is that they hardly ever happens that way. I've decided to call this way of thinking "Hollywood Logic"; in a perfect world, it would work. Or if I was just really, really lucky. (Actually, if I were really lucky, I would have just grown up in California.)

Well, I guess it's just as well-- I'm more interested in Illustration. I just latched onto the idea because then I might be able to, you know, start sooner.

That being said, if there's a deity listening: considering all the crap I've been through so far, do you think you could give me some sort of, y'know, luck? A leg up? It would be nice.

Life has been hard, primarily because of the Asperger's, but also because of other stuff. And after all that, it kind of feels like Whoever Runs The Universe owes me. Or that it should balance out somehow, because life was so shitty before, it should be really awesome later.

But probably, everyone feels that way to some extent. (Or everyone in America, at least.) We all feel like we've worked hard and deserve to be rewarded with more than we're getting. And that's part of being human: we always want more. The trick to being happy is, I guess, learning to enjoy what we have.

I try to live by that, but when I hit these little mini depressive episodes, it can be really, really hard. (No, I'm not bipolar, and medications wouldn't help me with this.)

Oh well. Whatever it is, though, I'll live through it.

In the mean time, I should watch Mulan or something to put me in a better mood.