Today, I was thinking about people. Specifically, the jocks and cheerleaders of the world.
You know the ones I mean: the ones who skate by in life due to their looks and/or money. The truth is, I really really hate them. "They never have to work hard in life! It's not fair!" I was thinking. "They know nothing about the way the world really is!"
And then I realized: neither do I.
Sure, I've been through some things. Maybe had to work a little harder than some at times. But what have I really done? Nothing. I go to school and talk to people and then come home and read or play games or watch TV. What the hell do I know about the real world?
I've never worked. The excuse I've always given people (and myself) is that, since I have Asperger's, I would have to work harder than everything else and probably end up working as a cashier or something (if I'm lucky) which would make me absolutely miserable. Both because I'd probably have to deal with really annoying customers, and because I can't do math very quickly, especially not in my head.
But, well, that's kind of a dumb excuse. I mean, all the reasons are true, but when you add it up... That's not a very good reason.
But more than that, I can't really get inside people's heads. I can't really imagine what their everyday life is like, unless I have experienced it myself. I also can't always tell if they are exactly what they appear to be, or that they have some deep, dark secret.
It's like, if someone is late, it ticks me off. But for all I know, one of their friends had a nervous breakdown, and they had to comfort them. (That was the least morbid, but still acceptable, reason I could come up with.) And they might not tell me, since it's not any of my business.
I ride in the car with my Mom a lot, and she always gets annoyed at the person who does something like cut her off or run a red light. I don't drive, but I gather that this is a very common pet peeve. And just about every time, I think "well, maybe they just found out one of their parents had a stroke or was in an accident and is rushing to the hospital."
Chances are, they are just a jerk. But really, you never know.
I often have imaginary conversations with people. (I know that sounds kind of insane, but bear with me.) It's usually because I have some internal conflict, some knot in my mind I'm trying to unravel. Pretty frequently, I end up preaching (to myself- okay yeah I'm a little crazy, I admit it) about how important it is to tolerate people who are different from you, or to walk a mile in their shoes.
But the truth is, I judge people. A lot. I put them into categories in my mind, imagine what their lives have been like. It's how I decide whether or not, and how far, I should trust them. I end up being right about half the time. Sadly, the other half, it's often because I overestimate them.
But the truth is, you never really know with people. I realize now that I've been judging people before I get to know them.
Which happens to be the very thing I hate to see other people do.
I also hate hypocrites.
... D'oh!
The thing is, it's a lot safer to do that. People can hurt you pretty badly if you let them in. And after awhile, you close yourself off, because you're afraid of being hurt again. Once burned, twice shy. And in my case, it's just freaking exhausting, too.
But, well, once you start doing that... Or at least, when I started doing that... I got judgmental. I started to think I knew everything. And I also got lonely.
I'm just so tired of the drama and noise and SHIT that comes with being around people, especially in a group of people. And it never ends! It just goes on and on until I can't take it anymore and I have to leave or I'll lose my mind.
...Yeah. I hate people.
I've sort of forgotten my original point, but I don't think people read this because they WANT to be preached at, so who cares?
But I guess I should try to be a little less judgmental. And get out more.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Friday, March 23, 2012
On socializing.
I find it odd that so many Neurotypicals, even those with knowledge of Autism and Asperger's Syndrome, seem to not understand that I hate socializing.
Here's why I hate to socialize: because I always have to be thinking about what I say. I always have to worry that I offended someone, or that they don't actually want to talk to me and are just being polite, or that I missed some nonverbal cue. I always have to stay on my toes, always have to walk on eggshells.
I get no enjoyment out of it. I never get to relax when people are around. Even if we're not talking, even if we're in different rooms in the same house, I have to be watching them, making sure I don't miss something important.
The only time I get to relax is when I'm alone, or with someone I trust completely. Other than my parents and my mentor, there are only two people in the world I feel this way about. And that is because, if they have known me for years, and have put up with all of my crap for this long, chances are, there's nothing else I could do to drive them away. And for that, they have my eternal loyalty. I guess that's what a friend is.
It takes years for me to build up that kind of trust with people. I have known both of them so long that I have forgotten exactly how long ago we first met.
But I do remember the moment when I realized that I trust them completely. In both cases, we had drifted apart. The first was due to busy schedules, the second, geography. But then we started to talk again and I realized "hey, wait, they still want to be friends. Wow."
I was surprised for different reasons. The first was because, well, we might have known each other for a long time, but we had both changed a lot in that time. And sometimes, people grow apart. I have met a lot of people, but I rarely know which ones are going to stick.
The second was because when I first met him, I was bat-shit crazy. I had clinical depression, low thyroid, ADD/ADHD, and Asperger's Syndrome, not to mention quite a few psychological issues. All this combined to make me a very confused person. I look back on that period of my life with embarrassment. Thankfully, most of it I don't remember, as the depression cast a black cloud over everything back then, making the few things I do remember very hazy. So I mostly expected him to remember me as "that crazy chick he used to know back in America." (He lives on the other side of the world at the moment.)
But, as I mentioned, once I started talking to them again, I realized I didn't really need to watch what I say around them. I don't have to worry about offending them. And we could get into weird philosophical conversations, from zombies to love and everything in between. (Try it sometime. It's really fun.)
I consider myself lucky to have friends like that. Because with most people, they don't care what I think, or get offended or unnerved by my personality, or are just idiots.
(Stupidity is a universal constant, unfortunately. I've mostly gotten used to it, but some people manage to amaze me with whole new levels of stupid that I had previously deemed impossible. I hope they never procreate.)
That is why I don't like to socialize. Aside from the handful of people who I know understand me and that I enjoy conversing with, it's boring and nerve-wracking to talk to people. It can also often be loud and crowded, depending who it is and where we are talking.
There's another important factor: talking to people wears me out. A lot. If I talk to someone for about two hours, even if I like talking to them, I have to go be by myself after that.
Socializing takes energy. A lot of energy. And if I don't like talking to them and it wears me out, why am I even doing it in the first place?
All of this adds up to one thing: I'd rather be by myself. Seriously, just leave me alone. Please?
Sometimes I do want to talk to people even if I have to watch what I say. Usually it's because we're related and it's rude not to talk to them at least once in awhile, or sometimes it's because they're generally a pleasant person to be around, or it's because they need help with something (whether they know it to not). And, well, sometimes I get lonely. I hate it, but it happens.
But most of the time, I'd prefer to read. Or knit. Or watch TV. Or do schoolwork. Or write. Or play games. Or...
Yeah, I could go on for a long time like that. I have a lot of hobbies. When you spend lots of time by yourself, you learn to keep yourself busy and have fun doing it.
To sum up: it's nothing personal. I'm just not a people person.
Here's why I hate to socialize: because I always have to be thinking about what I say. I always have to worry that I offended someone, or that they don't actually want to talk to me and are just being polite, or that I missed some nonverbal cue. I always have to stay on my toes, always have to walk on eggshells.
I get no enjoyment out of it. I never get to relax when people are around. Even if we're not talking, even if we're in different rooms in the same house, I have to be watching them, making sure I don't miss something important.
The only time I get to relax is when I'm alone, or with someone I trust completely. Other than my parents and my mentor, there are only two people in the world I feel this way about. And that is because, if they have known me for years, and have put up with all of my crap for this long, chances are, there's nothing else I could do to drive them away. And for that, they have my eternal loyalty. I guess that's what a friend is.
It takes years for me to build up that kind of trust with people. I have known both of them so long that I have forgotten exactly how long ago we first met.
But I do remember the moment when I realized that I trust them completely. In both cases, we had drifted apart. The first was due to busy schedules, the second, geography. But then we started to talk again and I realized "hey, wait, they still want to be friends. Wow."
I was surprised for different reasons. The first was because, well, we might have known each other for a long time, but we had both changed a lot in that time. And sometimes, people grow apart. I have met a lot of people, but I rarely know which ones are going to stick.
The second was because when I first met him, I was bat-shit crazy. I had clinical depression, low thyroid, ADD/ADHD, and Asperger's Syndrome, not to mention quite a few psychological issues. All this combined to make me a very confused person. I look back on that period of my life with embarrassment. Thankfully, most of it I don't remember, as the depression cast a black cloud over everything back then, making the few things I do remember very hazy. So I mostly expected him to remember me as "that crazy chick he used to know back in America." (He lives on the other side of the world at the moment.)
But, as I mentioned, once I started talking to them again, I realized I didn't really need to watch what I say around them. I don't have to worry about offending them. And we could get into weird philosophical conversations, from zombies to love and everything in between. (Try it sometime. It's really fun.)
I consider myself lucky to have friends like that. Because with most people, they don't care what I think, or get offended or unnerved by my personality, or are just idiots.
(Stupidity is a universal constant, unfortunately. I've mostly gotten used to it, but some people manage to amaze me with whole new levels of stupid that I had previously deemed impossible. I hope they never procreate.)
That is why I don't like to socialize. Aside from the handful of people who I know understand me and that I enjoy conversing with, it's boring and nerve-wracking to talk to people. It can also often be loud and crowded, depending who it is and where we are talking.
There's another important factor: talking to people wears me out. A lot. If I talk to someone for about two hours, even if I like talking to them, I have to go be by myself after that.
Socializing takes energy. A lot of energy. And if I don't like talking to them and it wears me out, why am I even doing it in the first place?
All of this adds up to one thing: I'd rather be by myself. Seriously, just leave me alone. Please?
Sometimes I do want to talk to people even if I have to watch what I say. Usually it's because we're related and it's rude not to talk to them at least once in awhile, or sometimes it's because they're generally a pleasant person to be around, or it's because they need help with something (whether they know it to not). And, well, sometimes I get lonely. I hate it, but it happens.
But most of the time, I'd prefer to read. Or knit. Or watch TV. Or do schoolwork. Or write. Or play games. Or...
Yeah, I could go on for a long time like that. I have a lot of hobbies. When you spend lots of time by yourself, you learn to keep yourself busy and have fun doing it.
To sum up: it's nothing personal. I'm just not a people person.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
I recently received some very good advice from a friend of mine. He said that people didn't like being lectured at, that they wanted to be able to connect with my struggles. That people really wanted to know how I felt.
I've always had a hard time expressing myself, especially to others, partly because I've had trouble dealing with my own emotions a lot of the time. I've been through a lot of crap in my life - which is something pretty much anyone who's heard my life story can agree on - and eventually, to keep your sanity and to keep yourself moving, you stuff down all your emotions into a box in your mind (labeled "crap") and push it into the corner. I'm still learning how NOT to do that, since I don't have to be in survival mode anymore.
But also, partly because I'm afraid that I'll come off as a whiny little emo kid.
But if people really want to know about how I feel, I guess I can tell you.
Mostly, I feel angry. I mean, I'm not getting a fair deal because of something that's not my fault. It sucks.
I weird people out by being too open, because I have trouble knowing what to say or when to say it. Also because sometimes, it feels like it hurts to hold things in. Sometimes things want come out, and holding them in takes energy, as does waiting my turn.
Usually, this is because I'm in ADD mode, where I constantly having to be doing SOMEthing. Moving around, drawing, knitting, talking. I can't sit still in those times.
Or I weird people out because they just don't understand that I only have a certain amount of energy I can spare for interacting with people. Any more than that, and I get cranky. Ilsa being cranky is not a fun thing.
But I digress. I thought about writing today because it occurred to me that I will probably always harbor a hatred for "the popular kids". The ones who have fine-tuned social skills.
The reason this occurred to me is that there is someone in my Anatomy & Physiology 1 class who has always seemed like one of the aforementioned "popular kids." And because of that, I hate him. I'm sure that deep down, he's a nice guy, but we've had several classes together and we've barely spoken. I can't help thinking I probably come off as too much of a dork.
Whether or not this is true, I have no idea. I'm probably just projecting. But there are times, and other geeks might be able to back me up on this, that you get the feeling people look down their noses at you, just because you happen to like Doctor Who or anime or something. (I happen to like both, by the way.)
I had been hoping I was past my dweeby phase. Apparently not. Whenever I go into my A&P classroom, I feel like I'm back in High School for some reason.
High School was literally the worst time of my life. You couldn't pay me to go back to that hell.
If the Zombie Apocalypse DOES happen in December, I hope I get a chance to snipe some of my reanimated classmates and the some of the faculty before I get bitten. Yes, even the administration at the time treated me like dirt. Fuck you, Newport High School.
It's lucky for them The Force isn't real, otherwise I might have turned into freaking Darth Vader.
In case anyone is worried, no, I'm not going to go shoot up a school. I do have a pretty strong conscience, and I also know that most of the people there didn't realize the effect they had on me, otherwise they might have been nicer. Besides, I have heard that non-assholes might be running the school soon.
I've always had a hard time expressing myself, especially to others, partly because I've had trouble dealing with my own emotions a lot of the time. I've been through a lot of crap in my life - which is something pretty much anyone who's heard my life story can agree on - and eventually, to keep your sanity and to keep yourself moving, you stuff down all your emotions into a box in your mind (labeled "crap") and push it into the corner. I'm still learning how NOT to do that, since I don't have to be in survival mode anymore.
But also, partly because I'm afraid that I'll come off as a whiny little emo kid.
But if people really want to know about how I feel, I guess I can tell you.
Mostly, I feel angry. I mean, I'm not getting a fair deal because of something that's not my fault. It sucks.
I weird people out by being too open, because I have trouble knowing what to say or when to say it. Also because sometimes, it feels like it hurts to hold things in. Sometimes things want come out, and holding them in takes energy, as does waiting my turn.
Usually, this is because I'm in ADD mode, where I constantly having to be doing SOMEthing. Moving around, drawing, knitting, talking. I can't sit still in those times.
Or I weird people out because they just don't understand that I only have a certain amount of energy I can spare for interacting with people. Any more than that, and I get cranky. Ilsa being cranky is not a fun thing.
But I digress. I thought about writing today because it occurred to me that I will probably always harbor a hatred for "the popular kids". The ones who have fine-tuned social skills.
The reason this occurred to me is that there is someone in my Anatomy & Physiology 1 class who has always seemed like one of the aforementioned "popular kids." And because of that, I hate him. I'm sure that deep down, he's a nice guy, but we've had several classes together and we've barely spoken. I can't help thinking I probably come off as too much of a dork.
Whether or not this is true, I have no idea. I'm probably just projecting. But there are times, and other geeks might be able to back me up on this, that you get the feeling people look down their noses at you, just because you happen to like Doctor Who or anime or something. (I happen to like both, by the way.)
I had been hoping I was past my dweeby phase. Apparently not. Whenever I go into my A&P classroom, I feel like I'm back in High School for some reason.
High School was literally the worst time of my life. You couldn't pay me to go back to that hell.
If the Zombie Apocalypse DOES happen in December, I hope I get a chance to snipe some of my reanimated classmates and the some of the faculty before I get bitten. Yes, even the administration at the time treated me like dirt. Fuck you, Newport High School.
It's lucky for them The Force isn't real, otherwise I might have turned into freaking Darth Vader.
In case anyone is worried, no, I'm not going to go shoot up a school. I do have a pretty strong conscience, and I also know that most of the people there didn't realize the effect they had on me, otherwise they might have been nicer. Besides, I have heard that non-assholes might be running the school soon.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Take Note
Take Note, by Ilsa Kasmar
If you think
I am only a word,
Or a collection of labels,
You're wrong.
If you think
I am only a number,
Or a blip on the radar,
You're wrong
They call it Asperger's Syndrome
But the truth is,
You don't know how to deal with me,
Do you?
I refuse to blend in with the crowd.
One day,
I'll burst from my chrysalis
With wings more colorful,
More beautiful,
Than the world has ever seen before.
So take note.
I am more than you think I am.
If you think
I am only a word,
Or a collection of labels,
You're wrong.
If you think
I am only a number,
Or a blip on the radar,
You're wrong
They call it Asperger's Syndrome
But the truth is,
You don't know how to deal with me,
Do you?
I refuse to blend in with the crowd.
One day,
I'll burst from my chrysalis
With wings more colorful,
More beautiful,
Than the world has ever seen before.
So take note.
I am more than you think I am.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
On Nonverbal Signals
Dear Readers,
Today, I'm going to talk about prejudice.
And yes, there is prejudice towards people on the Autism Spectrum. This is because we have trouble giving the right nonverbal signals. If you are NeuroTypical, you probably don't know what those are. So let me put it this way:
Say you're in a dance club/bar/party/etc and you're having a great time, until you see a guy looking at you like this:
(Image from: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJsQcnB6GC0)
I'm going to take a shot in the dark and say your reaction is going to be something along the lines of "Ew," or "OH GOD RUN AWAY!"
My generation calls this guy a "creeper", and the video that it's from calls that expression "stalker eyes". This is an extreme example of a nonverbal signal. It might be meant to be nice, but it just comes out really, really creepy.
The thing is, people with Asperger's might smile in a creepy way and not realize it unless someone tells them. Probably not that creepy, but if an Aspie smiles at you and accidentally gives you stalker eyes, you probably wouldn't stick around to ask them about it.
And let's face it: when you first make eye contact with someone you've never met, you have to get that first smile right, and you probably won't get a second chance. Not in a crowded room, where you can easily avoid someone if they creep you out.
Am I saying that everyone who gives you stalker eyes is actually an Aspie who just messed up their smile? No. There are real stalkers out there, and sometimes that impulse to run away can save your life.
Unfortunately, there's no sure-fire way to tell apart an Aspie from a creeper, except to talk to them. And if it is a creeper, it's not safe to talk to them.
Now imagine what that accidentally creepy smile could cost you in a job interview. The chance of you getting the job could be cut in half, or drop to zero. After all, if it creeps out or downright scares your interviewer, it would probably scare their customers, or other employees.
Don't believe me?
This is from: http://autismnow.org/on-the-job/employment-research-and-reports/#autism
This might not be from a lack of interest on the employer's part. It could be any number of things. It also depends on how high-functioning that person on the Autism Spectrum is, which is not mentioned in the study.
But nonverbal signals count for a lot.
Because you know what nonverbal signals are a large part of? First impressions. Snap judgements. And as much as you like to fool yourself you don't make them, you do. Everyone does.
That person has a Ferrari? They must be rich. That person wears glasses or reads a lot? They must be smart. That girl wears gym clothes? She must be an athlete. That guy acts like a girl? He must be gay.
That person gave you stalker eyes? They must be dangerous.
Sometimes they're right. (And that can save your life.) But sometimes, they're dead wrong.
(If you really want an in-depth exploration of snap judgements the book Blink by Malcolm Gladwell is a great source.)
--------
And Now For Something Completely Different:
I'm sorry it's been so long since I posted! I have a lot going on, and I've also been sick this week. Which is why the quality of this is below my usual standards.
I'll try to keep updating when I have time. Unfortunately, I don't really have a lot of time. x_x
I may go back and expand/edit this when I'm recovered and when I have some free time. But that could be awhile, unfortunately.
Also: the entire reason I have a special email and Formspring account is so that readers can ask me questions. So if you have a question, ask me! If you want to know what it's like to have Asperger's Syndrome, then you should ask an Aspie! xD
Peace out!
--Ilsa
Today, I'm going to talk about prejudice.
And yes, there is prejudice towards people on the Autism Spectrum. This is because we have trouble giving the right nonverbal signals. If you are NeuroTypical, you probably don't know what those are. So let me put it this way:
Say you're in a dance club/bar/party/etc and you're having a great time, until you see a guy looking at you like this:
(Image from: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJsQcnB6GC0)
I'm going to take a shot in the dark and say your reaction is going to be something along the lines of "Ew," or "OH GOD RUN AWAY!"
My generation calls this guy a "creeper", and the video that it's from calls that expression "stalker eyes". This is an extreme example of a nonverbal signal. It might be meant to be nice, but it just comes out really, really creepy.
The thing is, people with Asperger's might smile in a creepy way and not realize it unless someone tells them. Probably not that creepy, but if an Aspie smiles at you and accidentally gives you stalker eyes, you probably wouldn't stick around to ask them about it.
And let's face it: when you first make eye contact with someone you've never met, you have to get that first smile right, and you probably won't get a second chance. Not in a crowded room, where you can easily avoid someone if they creep you out.
Am I saying that everyone who gives you stalker eyes is actually an Aspie who just messed up their smile? No. There are real stalkers out there, and sometimes that impulse to run away can save your life.
Unfortunately, there's no sure-fire way to tell apart an Aspie from a creeper, except to talk to them. And if it is a creeper, it's not safe to talk to them.
Now imagine what that accidentally creepy smile could cost you in a job interview. The chance of you getting the job could be cut in half, or drop to zero. After all, if it creeps out or downright scares your interviewer, it would probably scare their customers, or other employees.
Don't believe me?
How many people with Autism Spectrum Disorders work in the community?
There is no good source for this number for adults with autism spectrum disorders. Data from the National Longitudinal Transition Study 2, a 10-year study of youth who received special education services, suggests that young adults with autism spectrum disorders are less likely to work than most other disability groups. The final data collection point was completed in 2009 when participants were age 23-26:
32.5% of young adults with autism spectrum disorders currently worked for pay versus an average of 59.0% for all respondents. Only one disability group had a lower rate of employment participation.
47.7% of youth with autism spectrum disorders worked for pay in the past two years versus an average of 78.4% for all participants.
29.0% of young adults with autism spectrum disorders were looking for work if they were unemployed compared to 47.7% for all participants.
Source: www.nlts2.org
This is from: http://autismnow.org/on-the-job/employment-research-and-reports/#autism
This might not be from a lack of interest on the employer's part. It could be any number of things. It also depends on how high-functioning that person on the Autism Spectrum is, which is not mentioned in the study.
But nonverbal signals count for a lot.
Because you know what nonverbal signals are a large part of? First impressions. Snap judgements. And as much as you like to fool yourself you don't make them, you do. Everyone does.
That person has a Ferrari? They must be rich. That person wears glasses or reads a lot? They must be smart. That girl wears gym clothes? She must be an athlete. That guy acts like a girl? He must be gay.
That person gave you stalker eyes? They must be dangerous.
Sometimes they're right. (And that can save your life.) But sometimes, they're dead wrong.
(If you really want an in-depth exploration of snap judgements the book Blink by Malcolm Gladwell is a great source.)
--------
And Now For Something Completely Different:
I'm sorry it's been so long since I posted! I have a lot going on, and I've also been sick this week. Which is why the quality of this is below my usual standards.
I'll try to keep updating when I have time. Unfortunately, I don't really have a lot of time. x_x
I may go back and expand/edit this when I'm recovered and when I have some free time. But that could be awhile, unfortunately.
Also: the entire reason I have a special email and Formspring account is so that readers can ask me questions. So if you have a question, ask me! If you want to know what it's like to have Asperger's Syndrome, then you should ask an Aspie! xD
Peace out!
--Ilsa
Thursday, October 13, 2011
On Research
Dear Readers,
For an Aspie, or at least for me, life is can get very confusing, very quickly. But most problematic is knowing whether something is fact or fiction.
When someone tells you some sort of trivia, I very rarely have the time, means, or inclination to look it up. So I assume that they must have done the research themselves and accept it as fact.
You can probably see why this would become fairly problematic. I can think of several ways that can come back to bite me later:
1. They may be messing with me, or being sarcastic, and I just didn't realize. (This has always been INCREDIBLY frustrating to me, since it's kind of unfair.)
2. I may end up mishearing or misunderstanding them. (This happens more often than I like to admit.)
3. THEY may have misheard or misunderstood THEIR source. Albert Einstein once said something along the lines of "never believe a fool, even if he is quoting a genius; for he will have had to put it in words he can understand." I may have misquoted that. (And yes, I do see the irony there.)
4. They may not have done the research.
5. They may be bending the truth to suit their purposes. (Like in science fiction, where it is based on real data, but the conclusions drawn are not necessarily true. And yes, I know if it's fiction, I really shouldn't believe any of it. But sometimes, they are right.)
6. Their source could be wrong. Depending on how you operationally define certain variables, otherwise identical scientific experiments can have completely different results. Technically, that's the fault of the one quoting the source, but there have been times when an experiment drew incorrect conclusions from a result.
Usually, when it's trivia, it doesn't matter. But a lot of times, those things stack up.
It's a lot like Sudoku is for me; you put a number in the box, because it seems to be the only number that can go there. But then, based in that conclusion, you have to put another number in a box, and you use your previous number to help narrow down the options. And you continue, until you get to the end and only then can you find out whether you were wrong or right. But if just ONE of your conclusions was wrong, the entire thing is wrong. And since you have no idea where you made a mistake, you have to start all over again. At which point, it's a gigantic pain in the butt.
Take something like, for example, the earth being round. In order to prove that fact, you have to go through a process that is something like this:
How do we prove that the Earth is round? We can see pictures of the Earth in space, and it is a sphere. Where did that picture come from? A satellite. Who owns the satellite? NASA. Is there a way to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that the photos were NOT faked? Not really, no.
I can almost hear people saying to their computers, "but NASA is trustworthy! You don't need to question them!" Here's the thing: Aspies (or maybe just me) have a really hard time telling who is and is not trustworthy.
I'm going to let you in on a little secret: PEOPLE LIE. A lot, I've found. It's a daily thing for many people. ("Does this dress make me look fat?" "No, of course not.")
Am I saying that I think NASA is lying? No. I believe them. But I have nothing but a feeling to base that off of. How do you prove that someone is trustworthy? How do you prove that someone is NOT? I don't know. And I don't know how often "common sense" can even be trusted. After all, the Mythbusters prove regularly that "common sense" isn't always right.
And "the earth is round" is one of the EASIER claims to tackle. What about trying to prove whether or not a certain food is "healthy"? I'm taking a Nutrtion class at the moment, and I've found that the chain of conclusions is much, MUCH longer. I'm starting to think I'm going to need a medical degree to actually know the answer to that.
What about trying to find out whether a certain product is really better than another one? Thankfully, you can more or less test that yourself. But if you were going to find out the statistics, the research that led to that claim... How would you know who to trust?
And you would have to do that kind of extensive research to be 100% sure about anything anyone ever said, ever. Even something as innocent as "hey, did you know that _______ happened?"
Just thinking about it is exhausting...
And unfortunately, that's all I really know of my options; either look up EVERYTHING until I was 100% sure about it (which I'm pretty sure is impossible) or just cross my fingers and hope I'm getting the right information.
I have actually considered making a list of everything I am 100% sure of, but actually, if you examine it closely, the answer is pretty much nothing; even something as simple as "the world is round" can't be 100% proven.
I also have a hard time keeping track in my head of which things I'm SORTA sure about, mostly sure about, and 99.9999% sure about (like the earth being round). Eventually, as I am inundated with information, all of it crashes together like teetering stacks of paperwork, until all that's left is a pile of information I can't really verify.
I have no built-in BS detector, either. I have no idea whether or not someone is a credible source or not. So I literally have no way to tell who is trustworthy.
Basically, I'm just screwed.
For an Aspie, or at least for me, life is can get very confusing, very quickly. But most problematic is knowing whether something is fact or fiction.
When someone tells you some sort of trivia, I very rarely have the time, means, or inclination to look it up. So I assume that they must have done the research themselves and accept it as fact.
You can probably see why this would become fairly problematic. I can think of several ways that can come back to bite me later:
1. They may be messing with me, or being sarcastic, and I just didn't realize. (This has always been INCREDIBLY frustrating to me, since it's kind of unfair.)
2. I may end up mishearing or misunderstanding them. (This happens more often than I like to admit.)
3. THEY may have misheard or misunderstood THEIR source. Albert Einstein once said something along the lines of "never believe a fool, even if he is quoting a genius; for he will have had to put it in words he can understand." I may have misquoted that. (And yes, I do see the irony there.)
4. They may not have done the research.
5. They may be bending the truth to suit their purposes. (Like in science fiction, where it is based on real data, but the conclusions drawn are not necessarily true. And yes, I know if it's fiction, I really shouldn't believe any of it. But sometimes, they are right.)
6. Their source could be wrong. Depending on how you operationally define certain variables, otherwise identical scientific experiments can have completely different results. Technically, that's the fault of the one quoting the source, but there have been times when an experiment drew incorrect conclusions from a result.
Usually, when it's trivia, it doesn't matter. But a lot of times, those things stack up.
It's a lot like Sudoku is for me; you put a number in the box, because it seems to be the only number that can go there. But then, based in that conclusion, you have to put another number in a box, and you use your previous number to help narrow down the options. And you continue, until you get to the end and only then can you find out whether you were wrong or right. But if just ONE of your conclusions was wrong, the entire thing is wrong. And since you have no idea where you made a mistake, you have to start all over again. At which point, it's a gigantic pain in the butt.
Take something like, for example, the earth being round. In order to prove that fact, you have to go through a process that is something like this:
How do we prove that the Earth is round? We can see pictures of the Earth in space, and it is a sphere. Where did that picture come from? A satellite. Who owns the satellite? NASA. Is there a way to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that the photos were NOT faked? Not really, no.
I can almost hear people saying to their computers, "but NASA is trustworthy! You don't need to question them!" Here's the thing: Aspies (or maybe just me) have a really hard time telling who is and is not trustworthy.
I'm going to let you in on a little secret: PEOPLE LIE. A lot, I've found. It's a daily thing for many people. ("Does this dress make me look fat?" "No, of course not.")
Am I saying that I think NASA is lying? No. I believe them. But I have nothing but a feeling to base that off of. How do you prove that someone is trustworthy? How do you prove that someone is NOT? I don't know. And I don't know how often "common sense" can even be trusted. After all, the Mythbusters prove regularly that "common sense" isn't always right.
And "the earth is round" is one of the EASIER claims to tackle. What about trying to prove whether or not a certain food is "healthy"? I'm taking a Nutrtion class at the moment, and I've found that the chain of conclusions is much, MUCH longer. I'm starting to think I'm going to need a medical degree to actually know the answer to that.
What about trying to find out whether a certain product is really better than another one? Thankfully, you can more or less test that yourself. But if you were going to find out the statistics, the research that led to that claim... How would you know who to trust?
And you would have to do that kind of extensive research to be 100% sure about anything anyone ever said, ever. Even something as innocent as "hey, did you know that _______ happened?"
Just thinking about it is exhausting...
And unfortunately, that's all I really know of my options; either look up EVERYTHING until I was 100% sure about it (which I'm pretty sure is impossible) or just cross my fingers and hope I'm getting the right information.
I have actually considered making a list of everything I am 100% sure of, but actually, if you examine it closely, the answer is pretty much nothing; even something as simple as "the world is round" can't be 100% proven.
I also have a hard time keeping track in my head of which things I'm SORTA sure about, mostly sure about, and 99.9999% sure about (like the earth being round). Eventually, as I am inundated with information, all of it crashes together like teetering stacks of paperwork, until all that's left is a pile of information I can't really verify.
I have no built-in BS detector, either. I have no idea whether or not someone is a credible source or not. So I literally have no way to tell who is trustworthy.
Basically, I'm just screwed.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Ways that I'm different from NeuroTypicals
Ways that I'm different from NeuroTypicals, by Ilsa Kasmar.
-I have trouble recalling auditory information, (i.e. When someone just tells me something, I forget it. By the same token, I sometimes forget what I have and have not told people.)
-I have little trouble recalling visual information. (I can play back entire movies in my head after seeing it about twice, and as long as it has been less than a week.)
-I can't gauge what's normal, since I can't base it on myself.
-I don't assume very much, because I accept that I don't always get it right.
-I sometimes have trouble understanding someone's point of view.
-I sometimes understand someone's point of view better than NTs.
-I sometimes miss things that NTs find obvious (usually social things).
-I sometimes notice things that NTs miss (usually inanimate object- or animal-related).
-Loud and sharp noises bother me.
-I can hear subtle differences in sounds. (I ALWAYS know when a note is sharp or flat, and if I know the original song very well or someone is singing along, I almost always know if they are doing it wrong.)
-Bright lights and colors bother me.
-If two colors don't work well with each other or look weird in a certain lighting, I will notice.
-I have a tendency to be a goody-two-shoes and a tattletale (AKA the Rules Police).
-When I see someone doing something wrong, I tell someone about it so it will stop.
-I can be blunt to the point of being insensitive.
-If you ask me something and want my honest opinion, you'll get it.
-I can't watch the news because I always see something that upsets me.
-I don't get desensitized to violence and tragedy.
-I sometimes make connections that don't make sense to NTs.
-I sometimes make connections that an NT hadn't thought of.
-Sometimes my answers to a problem are stupid, convoluted, crazy, or just plain nonsensical.
-Sometimes my answers to a problem are brilliant, and/or brilliantly simple.
All of these differences have pros and cons. The only real difference is the application
I do want to change the world, and make it a better place. And really, something is only impossible until it's been done. Scientists once believed that the world was flat, after all.
All blog posts are copyright Ilsa Kasmar.
Formspring: www.Formspring.me/xAskAnAspiex
Email: ask_an_aspie@yahoo.com
-I have trouble recalling auditory information, (i.e. When someone just tells me something, I forget it. By the same token, I sometimes forget what I have and have not told people.)
-I have little trouble recalling visual information. (I can play back entire movies in my head after seeing it about twice, and as long as it has been less than a week.)
-I can't gauge what's normal, since I can't base it on myself.
-I don't assume very much, because I accept that I don't always get it right.
-I sometimes have trouble understanding someone's point of view.
-I sometimes understand someone's point of view better than NTs.
-I sometimes miss things that NTs find obvious (usually social things).
-I sometimes notice things that NTs miss (usually inanimate object- or animal-related).
-Loud and sharp noises bother me.
-I can hear subtle differences in sounds. (I ALWAYS know when a note is sharp or flat, and if I know the original song very well or someone is singing along, I almost always know if they are doing it wrong.)
-Bright lights and colors bother me.
-If two colors don't work well with each other or look weird in a certain lighting, I will notice.
-I have a tendency to be a goody-two-shoes and a tattletale (AKA the Rules Police).
-When I see someone doing something wrong, I tell someone about it so it will stop.
-I can be blunt to the point of being insensitive.
-If you ask me something and want my honest opinion, you'll get it.
-I can't watch the news because I always see something that upsets me.
-I don't get desensitized to violence and tragedy.
-I sometimes make connections that don't make sense to NTs.
-I sometimes make connections that an NT hadn't thought of.
-Sometimes my answers to a problem are stupid, convoluted, crazy, or just plain nonsensical.
-Sometimes my answers to a problem are brilliant, and/or brilliantly simple.
All of these differences have pros and cons. The only real difference is the application
I do want to change the world, and make it a better place. And really, something is only impossible until it's been done. Scientists once believed that the world was flat, after all.
All blog posts are copyright Ilsa Kasmar.
Formspring: www.Formspring.me/xAskAnAspiex
Email: ask_an_aspie@yahoo.com
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